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Super Kami Guru
'Super Kami Guru '(最長老 lit. Grand Elder) is the eldest and wisest of the Namekians, and the creator of the Namekian Dragon Balls. In the Anime Guru (called simply "Grand Elder" in the original Japanese version) is the only survivor of a cataclysmic event in Planet Namek's past. He single handedly repopulated the planet through the Namekian ability to asexually reproduce through eggs. By the time Frieza and the Z-fighters arrive on Namek, Guru is very old and near death. He helps out the Z-fighters in their battle against Frieza and his men by unlocking their hidden fighting power. He eventually dies from a broken heart after Frieza kills the rest of the Namekians, but is revived by the Earth Dragon Balls. He passes his title of Grand Elder and ownership of the Dragon Balls on to the Namekian Moori, before peacefully passing away. Guru is considered to be very wise, and has a kind and caring personality, to the point of dying from the sadness of losing his children. As a member of Namek's Dragon Clan, he has the ability to create wish-granting Dragon Balls. He has also shown the ability to unlock a person's "hidden potential", granting them vastly increased power, or, in the case of Dende, new abilities and techniques. In DBZ Abridged In the Abridged Series, Guru is portrayed as a slightly senile, demanding old man who constantly abuses his power. Most of this is directed at his bodyguard Nail, who is regularly made to do degrading tasks such as fighting birds or cleaning Guru's jowls. Furthermore, Guru is hinted at having caused numerous atrocities, such as when he led the Namekians through the peril of a great drought and the purge of the albino Namekians. He does have a softer side, though. He likes to keep in touch with his brother, Lord Slug, whom he exiled from Namek. Guru sent him a letter advising him to visit Earth, inadvertently leading Slug to also attack the planet for it's Dragon Balls. Guru is also known to be very vain. When told that the elder Namekian of Earth was named Kami (which is Japanese for "God"), Guru immediately declared that Kami was a pretentious prick and dubbed himself as "Super Kami Guru" - though just Guru for short. He is also very knowledgeable with human popular culture and gets upset when his fellow Namekians don't understand the references. Guru seems to enjoy messing around with his subjects and visitors. He gives Krillin, Gohan, and Dende power boosts. Krillin's wasn't big, revealing his "full potential", Gohan's was given following a rather pedophile-like speech, and Dende's was given completely by surprise. He refused to give the power-up to Nail, who he later gives a motivational speech to in order to encourage him to fight a losing battle against Freeza. Once Nail was gone, Guru admitted that he might have stood a chance if Guru had trained him in the "New way". Finally, once Porunga was summoned, Guru sensed it and allowed himself to die just before the final wish was able to be granted, believing it would be a "real dick move". When he was revived he thought the cause of the lava was global warming and called for Nail. After all living beings that were killed by Freeza and his men (not including by Vegeta, so the Namekians he killed stayed dead), were brought to Earth by the Namekian Dragon Balls. in belief that he was dying, Super Kami Guru revealed to the remaining namekians that he caused the drought that almost killed out the Namekians by drinking all of the water and blaming it on the albino Namekians. After Guru found that he wasn't about to die and failed to commit suicide, the enraged Namekians brutally killed him off-screen; much to the horror of Gohan, Bulma, Piccolo, and Vegeta. In the Season 2 finale, it is revealed that Moori has become the Grand Elder after eating Guru. Quotes *Naiiil. Naiiiiiiil! *What is it, Lord Guru? *I saw a fish. That is all. Go back outside now. *Nail (Thinking): Oh, god, this is so horribly dull. I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don't care WHAT it is. *Guru: Naaiiil!! *Nail: What? *Guru: I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass. ---- *Guru (After Nail refused to be called 'Big Green'): Big Greeen! Get in here. *Nail: Oh, guh- god dammit. What is it, Lord Guru? *Guru: I have a bitch of an itch on my left ass chee- Nail. There is an albino Namekian standing behind you. Kill it like the rest. *Krillin: Uh, actually, sir, I'm from Earth. *Guru: Kill it like the rest. *Krillin: Uuuhh... *Nail: Uh, actually, sir, I think he has business here about those people attacking our planet? *Krillin: Yeah. We came here looking for help. And I see you have a Dragon Ball up there. Well, we're gonna make sure that they don't steal it! *Guru: And how is that? *Krillin: I'm gonna take it! *Nail: Learn your place, Earthling! You have some nerve demanding a Dragon Ball from- *Guru: Here. Take it. *Nail: I- What? *Guru: Just don't steal the tv. *Nail: Sir, we... we don't have a television. *Guru: .... Nail. Gather the rest of the Dragon Balls and wish for a plasma tv. *Nail: Sir, that would be a grievous misuse of their power. *Guru: I'm about to misuse my hand upside your head! ---- *Guru: So, the son of Katas has passed. Unfortunate. *Krillin: We just called him 'Kami'. *Guru: Oh, so he calls himself 'God'. Pretentious prick. Nail. *Nail: What? *Guru: I shall henceforth be known as: Super Kami. *Nail: Yes, Super Kami. *Guru: No, wait- Super Kami Guru. *Nail: Can I just call you Guru for short? *Guru: Super Kami Guru allows this. ---- *Nail: Guru, sir. We have another traveler from Earth. *Guru: Oh. Tell me you didn't let him inside. *Gohan: Hello, Mr. Guru. *Guru: Oh, goddammit! *Gohan: Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me. *Guru: Do I look Catholic to you? *Nail: Sir, I think means he wants you to release his hidden potential? *Gohan: Yeah, that. *Guru: Fine. Stand still. It's your first time, so I'll be gentle. Now relax as I reach DEEP inside you and grab hold of your essence! *Gohan: I... need an adult? *Guru: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLL-!!!!!! ---- *Guru: Naiiiiiiil, do we have a visitor? *Nail: Yes, sir! *Guru: Naiiiiiiiil, take his coat! *Frieza: I don't have a coat. *Nail: He doesn't have a coat, sir! And I believe this is the man who basically killed our entire race! *Guru: Naiiil. Don't take his coat. *Frieza: You see, I've recently acquired what you people refer to as 'Dragon Balls', but I'm having trouble getting them to do what I want. *Nail: Did you try working the shaft? *Frieza: Classy. *Guru: Naiiil, what does he want!? *Nail: He's asking how to use the Dragon Balls! *Guru: Did you tell him to work the shaft!? *Nail: Yes, Lord Guru! *Guru: Good work, Nail. *Frieza: I have the distinct impression you're going to be difficult. *Nail: Well, sir, if you're having trouble with our customer support, you can call 1-800-Eat-A-D*ck. *Guru: We don't even HAVE those! *Frieza: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. What IS that? -blasts Guru's dome- *Guru: Oh God! Natural LIGHT! *Frieza: Good lord, I was led to believe your species survived entirely on water! How is he so fat!? *Guru: Oh. Hello. I'm Super Kami Guru. And I'm the guy who's NOT judging you on your appearance. *Frieza: Well, my name is Frieza, ruler of most of the known galaxy. I'm here to offer you a deal. You give me the information I require, and I'll let the sporting young man live. *Guru: Please. Nail isn't afraid of you. He is the strongest of our race! *Frieza: Oh, really? *Nail: Uhhh, sir? *Guru: Yeah. Nail's gonna destroy your sorry ass! They wouldn't be able to air it on the news because it'll be sooooo BRUTAL! *Nail: Sir, seriously... *Guru: Hush Nail! I'm speaking for you. *Frieza: Well, then, if this is the only course of action AVAILABLE to me, I accept. I'll dispatch of this WORM, and then I'll be back for you, SLUG. *Guru: Leave my brother out of this! *Nail: Sir, his power is overwhelming! I can also sense it's only a fraction of what he's capable of. *Guru: Nail. Listen to me. You are Namek's number one son. A prodigy child. You have been trained in the ancient ways! I believe in you. *Nail: You... mean that, Lord Guru? *Guru: Yes, Nail. Now show him the staggering spirit of Namek, and waste his smug ass! *Nail: Yes sir! Follow me! -leaves with Frieza- *Guru: ...Fool, If I had trained him in the new way, he might have stood a chance. *Guru: NAIL! Our visitors from earth require your assistance. You must go help them *Nail: Lord Guru, that would leave you totally ungaurded. *Guru: No. I would have Dende *Dende: please don't leave me alone with him... Nananananana Dende! Nananananana Dende! Dendeee! Dendeee! - Paroding the ''Batman ''theme song with Dende's name ---- *After Nail and Vegeta argue* '''Guru: '''Naaaail! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from in here! It sounds like -makes various slurping and slapping noises- *Nail: THANK YOU LORD GURU!!! ---- Trivia *Guru made Nail clean his jowls on the first day of Nail's job. *Much like Kami and Piccolo, Guru and Lord Slug split from the same being and Guru is the EVIL half. *He would wish for a plasma TV and a mail system. *He allowed himself to die because he thought it would be a "Real dick move". *Being led by him was worse than the great drought. *He thought Krillin was an albino Namekian. *He doesn't like anyone in his race. Except for one, who is crushed a Dragon Ball seconds later, much to Guru's amusement. *He can sense Nail after he fused with Piccolo. *When Guru was brought back to life by Mr. Popo's wish and saw the chaos on Namek, he thought it was global warming. *He drank all Namek's water causing the great drought. *His last words, "Choke on 'em! Choke on 'em!" is a reference to the George Romero zombie movie, Day of the Dead. Category:Aliens Category:Characters Category:Deceased characters Category:Namekians Category:Males Category:Villains